躺着看小说 > 玄幻小说 > 胡竹人的短篇小说 > 政治先生
    村长选举公告一张贴,村庄唯之震动,消息传播的速度直追天上的浮云,飞也似的,连住在山中和山南,平时甚少出现的村民都赶来凑热闹,这些人一眼就可看出来自山中和山南,因为他们脸上一律是裹了一层黑压压,被称为乾净的媒灰。<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>GHqizNfCgYRdo2pU43V7nleADrmvZb8w9JESQFLu</blockquote>

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    就连犯了贪W罪,被医生判定活不了而保外就医,镜头前奄奄一息的植物人,都复活成为了政治过动儿,身强T健的四处溜达,还开小狗专栏到处骂人。不得不说,这一切都是选举的功效,难怪本草纲目的引言处,开章明义写着「选举治百病」,就连神医华陀也赞誉有加。<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>tgc9GOoFfx6Hq510RTvYs8mdeWXB7l24CJ83mZbuV</blockquote>

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    这其中当然也包含了不甘寂寞的政治先生,政治先生姓政单名一个治字,因为满脸W泥的缘故,就外观看不出实际年纪,对外自称「我最乾净先生」。X喜指责别人不乾净,平时住在沼泽深处,神出鬼没,手无一技之长,游手好闲又nGdaNG过日,就靠每次的选举狠发一笔横财,选举结束抱了这笔横财回到沼泽度日,过那属於他的神仙生活。<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>3pa5MhlAFRHNoGuzfCrbVkQq9Ect7JexIW4PO62j</blockquote>

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    整年蓬头垢面,不洗澡,全身散发恶臭,不夸张的说,约距离百公尺左右就可知道政治来了,不少人曾劝说他去洗澡,好保持卫生,他却视若耳边风,就连乔家大院里,喜欢

    关说乔事,又大言不惭的公道伯都曾亲自当面劝导。「政治,看你这麽脏又那麽黑,怎不把自己洗乾净一些,洗白净一点呢?你知道大家都在躲你吗?」<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>fd8HayItnrKYgTWjAEiRqsGw61FPZVem0k4cl3CB</blockquote>

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    「公道伯,我政治天生就是黑,怎麽洗都不可能白了,您佬还别说我脏我臭,还真有人就喜欢我这味道。」<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>x6S2dWnmyKOUAXEf41skgQrNz8tYjBiPpZTGRo</blockquote>

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    连没有道德感的公道伯,对政治的回答都摇头,以致於当村民吃饭时,都心有默契的不谈政治,以免吃不下饭;偶有村民不经意提起政治时,大夥都放下筷子摇头叹息,然後不约而同的说。「政治,脏啊!」<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>9UPbs4NVDwLyhcfvTERCzFdmQajBkx8nJGXpMZAl</blockquote>

    政治先生住在人迹不至之处,一听到选举的传闻,异常激动,迫不及待从沼泽里爬了起来,也不收拾细软,径自朝村子走去;人还没走到村口,村民就闻到了味道,惊吓之余,一阵恶心和呕吐感袭来,惹得村民议论纷纷。<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>O6jezyrIMSB5AvCh0XQ4W8RLNJdT1b7i2nsDtoEl</blockquote>

    「怎麽会有这个味道?b大粪还臭!」<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>d5e6MQP4j1r2XugS0sVyANBWwlL

    GUzbDknYf9HRC</blockquote>

    「肯定是政治来了......」<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>RzaogJWS6p51tfqQrVKB2Hb3ITuEd4niMUAevGkx</blockquote>

    「政治怎麽又来了?」<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>QUjJSuB2oy8FGlMOqsgY7HeCwXvW9TtLbmarKnIE</blockquote>

    「......」<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>LWyvITFM7b1o5Oc9dDfqks68eV04aEmHXxQPjhzr</blockquote>

    「啊......选举到了!」<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>843FzJdvwOPeH5gZ0j2lqs9StIpGTboM6WfxQYhi</blockquote>

    「原来如此,好臭,好恶心。」<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>WxGECzfViLcvZd95uUjn8gbmOrS1KQ3q4BYMh</blockquote>

    就连挑惯大粪的李大娘也受不了,赶忙和其他人一道掩鼻如躲瘟疫般跑走,只有少数专好此味的人听到政治来了,居然望穿秋水喜不自胜。这些人喜好政治的味道,希望谋些好处放自家的口袋,就像王婶儿子的妻舅的堂弟的表妹,明明是个如假包换的二百伍,却因为後台y,老爸伟大,加上她家漆的矮墙颜sE很对政治的味,y是由政治安排去当个年薪二百五十个银圆的高薪实习生,其中巧妙,不言可谕。其他像口译哥、乖nV婿......等等的例子实在不胜枚举,我就不赘述了。有道是一人得道J犬升天。<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>tWpiOjoLPvzIH3d6D7VrU1Sg0sh2TNQBRqKJZFkl</blockquote>

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    DIN0J5yhOWcVZgLpk</blockquote>

    专司报马仔的男二,随身带着吃饭的家伙,路上恰巧看到李大娘这群散兵游勇,像见鬼似的亡命奔逃,好奇之余随意抓个人来问,才知政治回来了,不由得大吃一惊。肩负重任的他,赶紧沿路边跑边敲锣打鼓,大声疾呼:<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>iLrq8RMyxZ3bdcPJUSouezjEgam5fBIFV7knDsw0</blockquote>

    「政治来了,政治又来了,能跑的赶紧跑,脚麻跑不动的,关门闭户......政治来了,政治又来了,能跑的......」<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>7KNSgOQF6qiyDtUjp0YMkHsJalvor5dhXGT2ze9A</blockquote>

    在面摊吃到一半的人,听到男二到处嚷嚷说政治来了,惊吓之余大呼倒楣。面汤滚烫,岂能说吞就吞,不怕烫歪了嘴?端着汤面跑也不是办法,还不溅到自己满身满脸。大部分的人索X弃面而逃,但也有少数舍不得眼前的这碗面,只得y着头皮,低头赶紧吃面,盼早点把面吞进肚子里,再捧着肚皮逃亡。无奈天不从人愿,张三和妻儿三人,那面强吞没几口,政治的味道就全来了,转眼就将刚刚吞进去的面全吐了出来,不仅如此,连昨晚的宵夜也一道吐了出来。<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>7ueUPLYIdHFp1Sjt3ACx50aEBy2XhDOqn9iGWQfz</blockquote>

    面摊老板可顾不了那麽多,弃了面摊先跑再说,因为面摊可以再置办,但万一被政治沾上了的话,可令人呕吐,照镜子时还会忍不住想吐自己口水,唾骂自己不要脸。<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>AZHKewfCYi3aF8cIEkSXDryo5LqNtj9RUzJvBQu7</blockquote>

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    村长选举登记选在功德老君庙办理。说起此庙的来历,就得提起桃花源村的由来。村民的先祖多来自北方,早先时,倭匪作乱侵扰,先民无力自保,又逢乾旱,稻粒无收生计无着,不得已只好举村迁徙至此,在此地落户建村,为安人心所以立了这庙。此庙主奉神明为功德九千岁,尊号功德老君。功德老君头戴宰相帽,身着深sE法袍,头发中分,眼窝黑邃,一脸疲

    态,众星拱月的坐中至上,面露苦笑俯瞰座下。庙埕入口处为显作派,特地竖立一座牌楼,牌楼上书有三联。<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>xgyo5t6PAw9mfrKMi40spuIHqGlJRNe3FZQCWBjV</blockquote>

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    右联书有-「自律自守」<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>XMRuE4nqB0oesdmJzbODIvwNAgSGjHcFaCYWlk65</blockquote>

    左联-「无法无心」<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>yztADUwNj5FaOoQe931pRixXWSnMfs7cC6bu</blockquote>

    上联则书-「修仙积劳」<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>R3DTJ7Ew5OdVSjq8X41QltYmBnMCGAPrxsHoaZhk</blockquote>

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    关於桃花源村有段传说,据说许久以前,有个叫武陵人的男子,因为捕鱼的缘故来过这里,当时先民好吃好喝的招待他,还把他安排在功德殿住下,没多久他却一声不响的跑了,原因至今无解。<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>5MbiAqCpPtW6jcHw3uFE2K4omelhN7ZyYgRz0Ga8</blockquote>

    政治先生抵达功德老君庙之前,小木偶已带了一票人,包含法院认证pia0j,还能选上议员,外号洗钱CEO的p克老兄。他们前来为小木偶选举登记助阵造势,一完成报名登记,小木偶立即转身朝助阵的人群说话。「劳工是我心中最软的那块,我如果选不上就退出政坛。

    如果我当选,我相信未来村政府会有这样的雅量,如果第一次听不见,你可以大声一点,第二次再听不见,你可以再更大声一点,第三次再没有回应你的时候,你可以拍桌子,我会有这样的雅量......」<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>jQdZoHVnl6htGIR1skJgN9acLKFyz83upbqAmDwi</blockquote>

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    话还没说完,刷刷,小木偶的鼻子变长了,长到让它失去了平衡,还差点跌了个狗吃屎。没办法,小木偶只好悻悻然的,捧着长的不像话的鼻子,仓皇下台。<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>NbyUdKCEG13MjwPiq8soa2XDOxR5JLuc6v0HFB9T</blockquote>

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    庙口闹哄哄的,有如庙会喜迎财神。这番才登场唱戏造势,那番人群已迫不及待的簇拥候选人,圈地高喊冻蒜。几声空洞的口号下,人人欢天喜地。乡民们有时酸,有时狂喜,莫衷一是。大夥都沉浸在选举的喜悦中,直到......<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>OJGv1nd7PTXVeaW6zR39lspQSuLCw5oxjqyMH4g0</blockquote>

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    一GU臭味迎面而来,本来还兴高采烈的人群,开始作呕,面面相觑,浑然不知发生了何事?<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>eys6jtvuE5OAYVDohfJpUaxzLlX1QST2Z8mBbd4P<

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    「政治来了,政治又来了,能跑的赶紧跑,脚麻跑不动的,关门闭户......政治来了,政治又来了,能跑的......」报马仔男二声嘶力竭的高喊着。<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>7OmuiXChso0av3pFeAntUBxYfKN4Qq92jIPlESLd</blockquote>

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    向来在庙口卖艺表演吞曲棍球,赚个荷包满满的街头艺人,抱着吃饭的家伙「曲棍球」跟着大夥仓皇四散,每跑几步就掉颗曲棍球,再回头捡,捡完接着跑,跑没几步又掉,就这样又跑又掉又捡,狼狈的很。<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>7yu30i4fcXPOJ5VbsDIBhK69jxGR1maHUkogAwrn</blockquote>

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    政治还没到,庙口内外已跑个不剩一人,不知道是何缘故?坐在供桌上受供的功德老君,祂头顶上的宰相帽没有外力下,竟然掉了下来。<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>GPubvC7cUTiAR0jlFxD4z3Q2JfkKyh6a5wVSmZ9q</blockquote>

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    全村没有人想被政治沾到,如果被政治沾到,有时揽镜自照都会觉得自己面目可憎,会忍不住想挥拳打自己脸。原因无他,只因一句话。「政治,脏啊!」<blockquotecite='https:///index'css='cht'style='background:#fff;border-left:5pxsolid#4a84ce;padding:20px50px;'>7dLS2RulDf5bOYJTGteqzraWyHZs0wghmpiNA8Xc</b

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